I have issues

[CNStars17]

i had a lot more social problems before i started drinking...now its a lot easier.

also, during the week you really gotta just put yourself first. Me against the world...my time.

[LVradio]

A lot of these problems went away for a little while, but I am in the toughest stretch of the toughest semester that I will have as an undergraduate also while getting attracted to this one girl that has a boyfriend (fml). I've come to fruition that the girl situation isn't going to work out in my favor for a while (if ever), but the social stuff always seems cyclical. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, it really isn't a feeling where I want to participate, it's a feeling that whether I do or don't, I feel like I have an invisible scarlet letter marking me as different and to treat me differently.

The reason why I did so shitty in high school truly wasn't because I thought homework was bullshit and refused to do it, it was because I was lazy and didn't feel like doing it, or put it off because I was catering to other people. Honestly, the reason why I know so much about what I do isn't because I did the homework without doing the homework. I would tutor and help others with the homework, but when it got to me sitting down and doing it, I didn't feel like doing something I had already done in my head. That changed once I got here, got selfish (not in the bad way) and got excellent grades.

The me first thing is still prevalent, but I still always drop some things to help others because I want to be reliable, because sometimes people need a go-to person when they are in desperate help, because I never had that person and still don't. I am the go-to for this girl I really am digging and vice versa. It's developing into one of those super close friend things, but honestly it's probably for the best. But yes, I think a lot of the problems I have come through once in a while on here, but it's worse than most of you would think.

I doubt any of you thought I was a cool cat or popular, and I definitely wasn't the loner, but I'm sure whatever you thought of me besides those that talk to me off the forum, don't know that my situations aren't as good as they may appear. But then again, we all have our demons. Please, everyone else feel free to share as well, we bust each other's balls all the time, but we're a tight group, we'll give advice.

[spursfinfan]

are u emo??????????

[CNStars17]

it is crazy how much we do all know about each other...people a lot of us haven't even met.

[MaSTA SoLIDUS]

Honestly besides gaming and family I couldn't give a fuck less about anything

...which sucks, because that basically sabotages anything I want to do.

Self-sabotage is easily my biggest issue. I don't know exactly why I do it sometimes, but I'll fuck up on purpose (be it with school, or at work, or at home). I know that I get tired of arguing with people about being right--and I don't mean like I argue on the webs where I may be wrong--I mean actually be right about something...so I'll fuck up elsewhere to make it easier for some people to deal with me.

I find sometimes people don't want to deal with somebody who for the most part makes all the right decisions.

I either do that, or I remain a loner. It's just easier.

Going back to school I found it just as easy to deal with people as far as social interaction, be it in groups or in one-on-one situations. But I'm cognitively aware that the only reason it's so easy is because I feel like most of those people aren't worth shit to me, and therefore are worth worrying about.

If they were, my over-self-deprecation tends to come out. Which makes things harder, because when I want to be appreciated genuinely, I tend to not be...but on the flip side, I always know most people don't want to be around someone they consider better than them, so my attitude draws in many on the surface level.

It's basically I don't feel like many people are my equal, even though everybody probably is.

Weird.

This doesn't count with my real friends, of which I can count on both hands. They are people I'm comfortable being me around, because We all own pretty much, and feel like it, so there's no need to act that way. And we all feel good enough about ourselves that I don't feel my succeeding in something will damage our relationship.

I think I just have trouble being a human in general. It's easy and hard.

Oh:

Originally Posted by MaSTA SoLIDUS

Going back to school I found it just as easy to deal with people as far as social interaction, be it in groups or in one-on-one situations. But I'm cognitively aware that the only reason it's so easy is because I feel like most of those people aren't worth shit to me, and therefore are worth worrying about.

LV if this helps, think of people this way.

[MaSTA SoLIDUS]

Also, I've found this to be the opposite online.

Online I'm totally honest because, well, I don't care at all. The fact that most everybody is so cool online (with the exception of some of the Madden forum idiots) somewhat disproves my whole post previously. Meaning I probably should give offline people the same treatment.

I'm more my real self online than I am IRL.

[DCoy]

A man goes to see his psychiatrist because he's horribly depressed. He's tried everything -- therapy, medication, but nothing works. "You know what," his psychiatrist says, "go to the circus. There's a clown there that makes everyone laugh. He'll make you feel better."

A few weeks pass, and the man is still depressed.

"Didn't you go watch the clown?" the psychiatrist asks.

"Sorry Doc," says the man.

"You really should. That clown is some sort of miracle worker."

"Doc," replies the man. "That clown is me."

^ sometimes this is how I feel

[LVradio]

word

[RaiderNdaBlood]

I wish I had that "Don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks gene", it would make everything much easier. Unfortunately like you LV I do care, I care what the guy at the 7/11 thinks, I care what the fat chick behind the counter at blockbuster thinks, shit I care what you think.... lol.

According to Dr Drew this is almost always related to being abandoned at some point in life. I've learned to cope with it somewhat using the theory that if you pretend to be the person you want to be long enough that person starts becoming you. That and smoking pot, which come to think probably does more harm than good... fml

[LVradio]

Originally Posted by RaiderNdaBlood

I wish I had that "Don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks gene", it would make everything much easier. Unfortunately like you LV I do care, I care what the guy at the 7/11 thinks, I care what the fat chick behind the counter at blockbuster thinks, shit I care what you think.... lol.

According to Dr Drew this is almost always related to being abandoned at some point in life. I've learned to cope with it somewhat using the theory that if you pretend to be the person you want to be long enough that person starts becoming you. That and smoking pot, which come to think probably does more harm than good... fml

lol for the past week I have been becoming the person I want to be, but I hit one minor bump in the road and it all starts to fall apart (This recurs in many aspects of my life, since I do this when I workout too). Yes, I was abandoned in life, I've never met my real father, he refused to be a part of my life (which will be a blessing), so I took the negative energy and made into positive energy. The sad part of it all is that the positive energy isn't accepted in this culture. It's all about instant satisfaction and gradification, meaning that the short run is all that matters to people, so in the long run, when people are running to me because I am the settler, it's kind of like being used for your whole life. Even if you fall in love, it still feels like you are being used and are clung on to because you aren't an asshole.